Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
