Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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