I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
