no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
