I wish I only lived at night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize