Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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