the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
