so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My life is pants optional.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize