wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Welp...herpes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
