She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Are my feet made of real feet?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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