It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
