You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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