Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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