I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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