we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are a genius and a whore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
