My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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