He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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