Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
