there's paper in my vomit.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
