tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
