he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
