I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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