Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
