All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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