I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
