You really coming over, don't trick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
