Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
