I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
