I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
