first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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