he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
