im about as happy as oj after his trial
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
