Ambien. No doubt about it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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