butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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