I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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