That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
