I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
