My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
