so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
