I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I enjoy the company of your penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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