It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
