All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize