oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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