I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
