My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
