I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
