I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
