and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
