Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
