I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize