Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
two words: eviction party
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
