My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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