Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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