I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want to make out with him forever
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
