If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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