is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize