i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
