Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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