it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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