So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
