I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
