Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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