I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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