I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
