I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize