Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
