my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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