conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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