Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
