omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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