3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
