Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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