dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
