Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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