so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
